seriously. how cute is this baby face?ok. i know i've been like every other utah mom and have been super cliche and cheesy when it comes to my baby. i can't help it. i really do love him more than i could ever say and this past month has been the best of my life.
but also the hardest. if you want to continue thinking that having babies is all butterflies and happy faces then don't keep reading. i just need to vent. however: don't judge me for saying all that i'm about to say. i'm just going to put out there what ever new mom is thinking. don't think i don't love my son or love being a mom because I DO. A LOT. and i wouldn't trade it for anything but i just want to be honest for a second and vent and hope that you will comment and tell me that you know how i feel and maybe it will make me feel better.
being a mom is hard. being pregnant is hard. really hard. yes we've all heard soon-to-be-mothers boast about how wonderful it is to have life growing inside of you and feeling and baby kick and blah blah blah a bunch of other wonderfully fantastic things about carrying a baby. i too had my moments when i thought that but honestly, being pregnant kind of sucks. and i had an easy pregnancy. i was sick a little, nauseated a lot, back pains, feet pains, sleepless nights, constantly exhausted but thats it. it wasn't as hard as some people i know (cha, nat) but it still wasn't all super fun. and i really hated feeling fat all the time and never feeling beautiful or sexy.
during my pregnancy i couldn't wait to have the baby out of me so i could lie/sit down and feel comfortable again and to fit into my clothes again and to feel pretty again and not to have aches and pains anymore. bahahaha. nobody told me that post-pregnancy is WAY WAY WAY worse than pre-birth. The cramping, the stitches, the bleeding, not being able to sit down, the chapped nipples, the bruises, the hemroids? (seriously, had no idea), not being able to sit down, not being able to sleep even when i have the time because the pain is so bad, the sagging and the belly full of jelly, etc.
yes. i love having a baby and yes i think its worth it and yes i will do it again and again but i don't think its fair. i don't think its fair that the woman has to go through so much and the man just gets to sit back and watch. enjoy his body that isn't getting fat and saggy, without feeling any pain. he just enjoys the baby and changes the occasional diaper while i am fighting back the tears every time i have to feed my baby or sit on the hard chairs in the kitchen. while i lay in bed at 4:30 in the morning not being able to take my mind off my throbbing body. its freaking hard. how is this fair? its not. its not fair. and the husbands don't quite understand which makes it even harder.
ok. i just had to vent. i'm done now. i hear that i will be all better by 6 weeks so.....2 more!!!
but i do love this baby!!!! soooo much!!!
Oh my goodness gracious! Yeah, you definitely just got me out of my baby hunger! That sounds awful!! Im sorry chicka!! Your baby is freakin cute though! ;-)
ReplyDeleteOh, Gin. It's SO much harder for the woman. Truly. I felt like I wasn't back to myself until at least 3 months postpartum (sorry). For the first 6 weeks I could barely walk, and I never left the house because I didn't want to wear a shirt. Or pants for that matter. Haha. Oh, and baby blues.
ReplyDeleteBut I hear you've been out looking at houses, having showers, and being a normal human being. Good for you! I definitely didn't!
Being a mom is so freaking hard. And being pregnant is so freaking hard.
Each stage brings new challenges (and thankfully, new joys). Hang in there!
I have just recently been learning about all the fun and exciting post-birth things that women get to deal with. The good news is that's it's not as long as pregnancy, but I'm sure it feel like it is because it sounds awful. And Quinn is still thinking it's funny to say he's going to sleep through the night and not change one diaper and blah blah blah because that's girl stuff and is yucky. Luckily, he's a pretty nice guy and will probably help out when I actually need it, but the joking is not my favorite because he can't possibly understand any of it really. I feel like men should have some sort of sharing of responsibility/pain here, but unfortunately, I can't make him live in my body, even for a day. Oh well. Live goes on. You're a champion. And your baby boy is adorable. :)
ReplyDeleteOh, Gini! You hit the nail on the head. It is SO hard! I'm sure everybody will tell you this, but the first few months really are the hardest and then it slowly gets easier--one day at a time. It sounds like you are having a pretty rough go of things physically, though. I know it's different for everybody and every woman's experience and healing is going to be different, but make sure you let your doctor know when you go in for your check-up. Hopefully everything is healing okay and you will feel better soon, but it does sound pretty intense. I'm so sorry!
ReplyDeleteAs for the dad issue, it's a tough one and there's no way around it. Would Eric gladly take your place and some of your pain if he could? Absolutely, but he can't. I remember lamenting about something similar to an older (and wiser) friend once--something about how the mom does all the work and then the dad just comes home and plays with the kids for an hour before bed, etc. She told me she used to feel the same way, until she realized all the GOOD things she gets to experience with the kids that he misses because he has to go to work. It's a trade-off...you will change most of the diapers and do the feedings and feel the physical pain, but you will also see the most smiles, hear the first giggles, be the first to watch him roll over and sit up, etc. It's worth it! (At least it is for me.) Most dads are willing to do more than we let them, so don't hesitate to ask for more help when you need it. Hand Owen over for an hour and soak in the bathtub. It works wonders!
It's hard to feel pretty (don't even think about sexy) after your body is completely destroyed by the baby you love so much, but you will get there. I found just doing my hair/make-up and getting dressed helped a ton. (Wearing a clean t-shirt, sweats, and socks totally counts as getting dressed!)
On a happy note, Owen's pictures are so stinkin cute and I can't wait to see all of them! Hang in there--one day at a time--and remember you are tougher than you know and you can do hard things. We love you!
P.S. Taking care of one baby is infinitely harder than managing a class of 35 6th-graders, don't you think? :)
P.S.S. I am really sorry I failed to prepare you for the post-birth experience. :(
ReplyDeleteI love you. I'm so glad you're my friend. But, seriously you are the best. I'm sorry I haven't tried to be more helpful. You need a present and I'm going to get you one!
ReplyDeleteI threw up every day all day of pregnancy and gained 75 pounds. Not sure how those two went hand in hand???
ReplyDeleteI remember feeling all those feelings you described and also I upset that I wasn't able to truly enjoy the time with my baby because of recovery.
My problem was I LOVED CONNER but not myself so I had to learn to love myself again. I had to figure out how to be myself and incorporate a whole new very encompassing and time consuming element. I think that it was around the 3-4 month time that I started feeling really like myself again but better because being a mom added more meaning and reward.
It will get better. slowly. till one day you wake up and you will realize that the pains are long gone, your body has come back(mostly), you have energy, and you have a cute little boy and you are his momma :)
Bad news is....at 4 months almost half of my hair fell out. They say it's pretty common because of the trauma from delivery. Just preparing you for the worst
Gini- this is Nat's sister Emily. She was telling me about your mastitis and then I read this post. I SOOO understand what you are going through right now. When I had Gracie, when she was 1 week old I came down with Mastitis- terribly! I went from a 99 degree fever to 105 in 30 minutes and ended up in the ER. But that wasn't the worst part- the pain of nursing- excruciating, the chapped, bloody nipples. And then 6 weeks later I got it again- as bad or worse. So I was done nursing. With Ella- honestly I felt a dark cloud of gloom come over me when i had to feed her. I ended up pumping instead for 5 months. Honestly- I HATED every second of nursing!! I think people make moms feel guilty if they don't love nursing. If it isn't for you and not working- quit!! Gracie and Ella have both survived on formula. And you should feel no guilt over it!!!
ReplyDeleteYou will soon adjust- it took me several months with all 3 of my girls before I felt that I was back in the swing of things. But it does come. And once your hormones get back to normal, that helps too! And very true about losing your hair. That happens too- you will feel like you will have no hair left, but it does grow back. And you will eventually start to sleep again. And us moms can do anything with sleep!!
Good luck!! And little Owen is darling!!
He is seriously so cute! And I'm not sure who Shanna is, but I like her. Where have Nat and I been not preparing you for some of this stuff?! I wish we were there to help and hold. You're doing a fabulous job, and just look for that day when you wake up and life has finally fallen into place.
ReplyDeleteHey, I am sure there are so many moms nodding their heads as they read this post. You are definitely not alone. How come there isn't more talk about the post-birth crap that goes on! I had no idea about chapped nipples, constipation, or the cramping afterwards...and I recently discovered what happens to your boobs after you stop nursing...gross! But anways, I was writing because I had a nursing specialist give me AMAZING healing pads for dray/cracked or bleeding nipples. They use this stuff on open wounds in battle or something. Anways, if you are still having any issues or want some, let me know! Love ya!
ReplyDeleteGini, can I just say that your baby boy is darling?! I'm only a week into this whole new mom stuff but I can totally relate. I don't have any super awesome advice, I just wanted to let you know that there are definitely people out there that have been where you are (and it looks like a lot of them posted above!). Reading all of these gives me hope for the light at the end of the tunnel :)
ReplyDeleteBethany
P.S. Our blog is private, if you want to check it out just shoot me an email: bethanymadsen@gmail.com
Oh Gini friend. It's been a LONG time since I've seen you or talked. Back to the innocent days of no husbands and kids. I hear ya big time my friend. I had a MISERABLE first pregnancy. I was sick every day for 9 months. Moved twice. That is the short version. Thought for sure things would be so GREAT once she was born. I tore HORRIBLY had stitches for over an hour and it tore through the muscle. I sat on a boppy pillow for months even in the car I had to carry it with me to get to Drs appts. It would ache and ache for months after and I didn't start to feel decent until 8 months after. Let me just say pregnancy and motherhood was never meant to be easy. However, it varies significantly from woman to woman. Some women never tear. Some have a couple stitches. Some have several. Some home so many they can't count. It makes quite a difference. I felt good for 4 months before I got pregnant again. She was finally sleeping through the night. Also nursing is much easier for some women than others. It's just a fact... but it seems to be much harder than we think before giving birth. I had a month long yeast infection I could not shake in both breasts it finally went away she had thrush as well she was a terrible nurser and when I finally stopped that and my body had healed I was seriously a NEW woman. I remember feeling so alone and frustrated b/c all the other woman that had babies around the time I did popped back and seemed to feel great after a month or less and I still just ached any time I tried to sit and nurse and ached any time I stood especially when holding her b/c of the added weight. I thought it would Never get better. It did...of course when I was 6 months pregnant with my 2nd my sweet angel was diagnosed with leukemia and for the first time pregnancy escaped my mind and I could scarcely even think of my discomfort while hers was so great. My 2nd I was terrifed to deliver for fear I would fail miserable to care for a newborn on top of an almost two year old with cancer. This short recap of my married life I guess is to say that life can seem abominably hard sometimes...and it surprises us with just how difficult it can be even as we cherish what causes us such great pain, our children. With such great love does come such great pain. It can come at no other cost. One thing I was reminded of recently at the funeral of my good friend husband and son who drowned 2 weeks ago leaving her totally alone that Heavenly Father was the Father of our Spirit as well as our childrens and He loved them and loved us first. He truly loves you so much and is your eternal partner in this great and incredibly challenging course of motherhood you are beginning. It's definately ok to vent life can be so hard sometimes and I'm finding it is meant to be that way. I have often felt bitterly towards my husband in thinking "how unfair" and realize again and again life wasn't meant to be fair or children wouldn't die at a young age or suffer from cancer. I send you all the motherly love I have. It is a difficult thing you are doing. Sometimes (actually often) we mothers need one another b/c fathers simply can't understand just as we couldn't understand until we experienced it ourselves. Reach out we women are born to rally together and help each other survive the most difficult of days. Love you Gini.
ReplyDeleteLove Andrea (Hurst) Bucher your old institute council friend
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