seriously. how cute is this baby face?ok. i know i've been like every other utah mom and have been super cliche and cheesy when it comes to my baby. i can't help it. i really do love him more than i could ever say and this past month has been the best of my life.
but also the hardest. if you want to continue thinking that having babies is all butterflies and happy faces then don't keep reading. i just need to vent. however: don't judge me for saying all that i'm about to say. i'm just going to put out there what ever new mom is thinking. don't think i don't love my son or love being a mom because I DO. A LOT. and i wouldn't trade it for anything but i just want to be honest for a second and vent and hope that you will comment and tell me that you know how i feel and maybe it will make me feel better.
being a mom is hard. being pregnant is hard. really hard. yes we've all heard soon-to-be-mothers boast about how wonderful it is to have life growing inside of you and feeling and baby kick and blah blah blah a bunch of other wonderfully fantastic things about carrying a baby. i too had my moments when i thought that but honestly, being pregnant kind of sucks. and i had an easy pregnancy. i was sick a little, nauseated a lot, back pains, feet pains, sleepless nights, constantly exhausted but thats it. it wasn't as hard as some people i know (cha, nat) but it still wasn't all super fun. and i really hated feeling fat all the time and never feeling beautiful or sexy.
during my pregnancy i couldn't wait to have the baby out of me so i could lie/sit down and feel comfortable again and to fit into my clothes again and to feel pretty again and not to have aches and pains anymore. bahahaha. nobody told me that post-pregnancy is WAY WAY WAY worse than pre-birth. The cramping, the stitches, the bleeding, not being able to sit down, the chapped nipples, the bruises, the hemroids? (seriously, had no idea), not being able to sit down, not being able to sleep even when i have the time because the pain is so bad, the sagging and the belly full of jelly, etc.
yes. i love having a baby and yes i think its worth it and yes i will do it again and again but i don't think its fair. i don't think its fair that the woman has to go through so much and the man just gets to sit back and watch. enjoy his body that isn't getting fat and saggy, without feeling any pain. he just enjoys the baby and changes the occasional diaper while i am fighting back the tears every time i have to feed my baby or sit on the hard chairs in the kitchen. while i lay in bed at 4:30 in the morning not being able to take my mind off my throbbing body. its freaking hard. how is this fair? its not. its not fair. and the husbands don't quite understand which makes it even harder.
ok. i just had to vent. i'm done now. i hear that i will be all better by 6 weeks so.....2 more!!!
but i do love this baby!!!! soooo much!!!
