Sweden Bound

As you all know, Eric has been traveling to Sweden 1-2 times a month because his company just started an operation out there and he has been helping starting it all up.  We knew that they were going to start hiring people and hiring someone to take over what he starting doing but we did not think it was going to be us.  Eric has only been working full time with the company for a year and a half and he's getting his MBA.  As we kept working his boss kept making comments about how the branch could benefit from a return missionary couple with a baby, etc.  He kept asking him how his wife would feel about moving over here.  blah blah blah.  We didn't take any of it very seriously until about a month ago when those comments changed to comments like, "Eric, you're going to be in charge of this soon so how do you feel about it?"  Then finally they offered Eric the job to be the business manager for this operation in Lulea, Sweden.  We have quickly learned that SAVAGE IS SO SLOW!!!  Especially at letting us know whats going on.  A lot of people knew we were going to get offered that job WAY before we even knew.  (I hate that about them).  But we're excited.

When moving to Sweden just seemed like a possibility, it sounded adventurous and fun.  Now it seems scary and overwhelming because I have a job, and we have a house, and we're both in the middle of grad school, and we both have callings, and we have to sell everything we own including our cars and furniture, and we have to leave our family.  It will be great, we are excited, but sometimes I get sad.  and scared.  moving out of the country is crazy.

Especially when we know we are moving to an apt in the middle of down town Lulea and won't have the same luxuries we have now. like two cars.  a bath tub to bathe my baby.  carpet.  fast food.  dr pepper.  babysitters.  templeS.  a washer and dryer.  TV.  etc. etc. etc.  But honestly, doesn't everyone dream of moving to europe with their favorite people for a few years!?  I know I always have!  Not to mention they pay for us to come home 3x a year!!!  We couldn't have asked for a better deal!

Eric and I have always talked about taking trips to Europe but I never thought it would actually happen.  I'm not the best at refraining from buying clothes to save money for trips.  but now we can!  we get to go travel europe on the weekends!  seriously.  its a dream.

Also, we've always talked about how excited we are to serve missions together when we're old but now its kind of like we get to right now!  we're so excited!

please know that you will always have a place to stay in Lulea, Sweden. 

come visit us!  

Choose to be Happy

I feel so overwhelmed and blessed at the responses i received from my last post.  I didn't post that to get a bunch of compliments.  I posted it so I would get advice and counsel and words of reassurance.  And that is exactly what I got and I am so grateful for friends and family who shared with me their feelings and words of wisdom.  whether it was a comment on the blog, a text, an email, a card, or just talking in person; i really appreciate it!  THANK YOU!

i will share them with you. 

-Surround yourself with people that lift you up. 

-Appreciate your life and everything you have

-No one has is all together (even if they look like they do)

-Limit the social media, realize the source that makes you feel like that

-You are the best for YOUR family

-People don't portray the negative, DUH!  Who posts pictures of their babies blow outs? crying? piles of laundry? messy houses? fat rolls? un-done faces? etc.  NO ONE!  

-Feelings of inadequacy and failure only restricts you from being happy, improving, and relishing in the accomplishments that you do achieve

Eric was the one that really called me out on my fault.  He said that I feel like people are judging me the way that I judge them.  And its kind of true.  So I'm praying for forgiveness.  I mean, we all are more harsh on ourselves then we are on others.  I mostly just look at other people and wish i had their hair, or their wardrobe, or their body, etc.  who freaking cares!?!

The biggest thing that helped me was a cute letter I received in the mail from my mom in law.  She shared something that only she could have and it touched my heart in a special way.  She said the same things that other people said but it meant more.  She said that I am the exact wife that Eric needs.  She said that I am perfect for him.  I couldn't help but cry because I now know a mothers love for her son and i can't imagine anyone that could be perfect enough for my little Owen so it just meant a little more to me than anything else.  

"My dear sisters, as you live your daily life with all its blessings and challenges, let me assure you that the Lord loves you. He knows you. He listens to your prayers, and He answers those prayers, wherever on this world you may be. He wants you to succeed in this life and in eternity.

May I invite you to rise to the great potential within you. But don’t reach beyond your capacity. Don’t set goals beyond your capacity to achieve. Don’t feel guilty or dwell on thoughts of failure. Don’t compare yourself with others. Do the best you can, and the Lord will provide the rest. Have faith and confidence in Him, and you will see miracles happen in your life and the lives of your loved ones."

-President Uchtdorf

I then followed the counsel given by President Monson in this last General Conference that said to reflect on your life and about counting our blessing and being grateful for what we have.  I did that.  And honestly, I have NOTHING to complain about.  I have the ideal life.  Three years ago I wanted to be exactly where I am now at my age!  I wanted an amazing husband who would do everything for me. Check.  I wanted the cutest baby boy who eats well, sleeps well, and is happy.  Check.  I wanted to be able to stay at home with him.  Check.  I wanted to work in the primary.  Check.  I wanted to work in the Young Women.  Check.  I wanted a house.  Check.  I wanted my masters.  (In the process of a check).  I wanted a job where I could work from home. Check.  Great friends. Check. Honestly, ideal.  Everything that matters I have.  Who cares that sometimes my house is messy and i don't cook everything organic and i don't wear the size pants i want and i don't have the cutest most expensive name brand things. 

 I'm happy.  

Perfectly happy with my  perfect little family.  

The quote that I read and told myself everyday on my mission and everyday to my 6th grade class.  

CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY.  

Forget Not

I'm not sure if this post is blog appropriate but sometimes I just need to write.  and sometimes I need to be reassured that I'm not alone.  And sometimes I need some advice and help.  Since only my closest friends and family read this blog, it think its appropriate.  (Tell me if its not and I'll delete it.  i fear i am becoming more like my mom in that way everyday).

I've been going through a really hard time lately just feeling bad about myself.  Its been a LONG time since I've felt this way.  Like since those awkward Jr High days.  I've been thinking about it and I coorelate it directly to social media.  Facebook, pinterest, instagram, blogs, etc.  Is it just me?  I constantly am comparing myself to other people that i see or read about. 
they dress their kids cuter - decked out in sperrys and crew cuts. make clothes for themselves and their kids. have time and money for all sorts of diy projects including home and holiday decor. decorate their houses remarkably. have perfect hair, bodies, clothes, children, at all times. their homes are always clean and organized. they are intelligent and extremely witty and funny. they nicest most spiritual people who hold the most noblest of callings in the church.  they go running and stay fit and they're bodies are so toned! they look good in everything.  they never wear sweats, never not shower, and wouldn't even dare going out of the house without make up on. always have extravagant home cooked meals prepared for their families every night of the week with everything made from scratch including all the seasonings. they read all sorts of intelligent and thought provoking books.  they follow all the fashion trends and fads and everyone wants to be them.
 i hate that that is how they make me feel.  i'm not enough.  not cute enough. not skinny enough. not fashionable.  not witty.  not funny.  not clean and organized. not fun.  blah blah blah.  maybe i just need a break from social media for a bit. 

do you ever feel like this?  what do you do when you start to have these feelings?
Maybe its because i'm not studying my scriptures as much as a should be or praying more earnestly to be happy and accept myself.  maybe i'm feeling guilty because i can do all these things but i'm not. 

i'm a mother. a wife.  a friend.  a sister.  a grad student.  a teacher.  and recently got called into the primary presidency.  yea its hard but i can't help but feel like i should be doing more.  but i can't afford the home decor that i want and all the clothes that are on my wish list.  i just don't have time to diy anything!  my hair is in the process of growing back out after it all fell out after i had owen.  that has been fun.  i dont have a gym membership.  i hate running.  i enjoy eating whatever i want (in the present - until i feel guilty afterwards).  i think i have the cutest kid in the world.  my husband is freaking hot and is a big shot at work.  why can't i keep up?  why cant i do and be everything that everyone does and is?  are people really judging me as much as they think they are?  no. i'm breaking a commandment.  i become envious and covet.  i want what they have.  but i feel like that is the reason they post stuff like that is that they want people to become covetous and envious of their perfect lives.  (i know i'm wrong - and i hate that that thought even entered my brain). 

here are some things that have helped me. 

This quote by Elder Uchtdorf from his talk called "Forget Me Not" from the last General Relief Society Broadcast:
"God is fully aware that you're not perfect and also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not.

And yet we spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others—usually comparing our weaknesses to their strengths. This drives us to create expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet. As a result, we never celebrate our good efforts because they seem to be less than what someone else does.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

It’s wonderful that you have strengths.

And it is part of your mortal experience that you do have weaknesses.

God wants to help us to eventually turn all of our weaknesses into strengths, but He knows that this is a long-term goal. He wants us to become perfect, and if we stay on the path of discipleship, one day we will. It’s OK that you’re not quite there yet. Keep working on it, but stop punishing yourself.

Dear sisters, many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others. Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself.

In the meantime, be thankful for all the small successes in your home, your family relationships, your education and livelihood, your Church participation and personal improvement. Like the forget-me-nots, these successes may seem tiny to you and they may go unnoticed by others, but God notices them and they are not small to Him. If you consider success to be only the most perfect rose or dazzling orchid, you may miss some of life’s sweetest experiences.

For example, insisting that you have a picture-perfect family home evening each week—even though doing so makes you and everyone around you miserable—may not be the best choice. Instead, ask yourself, “What could we do as a family that would be enjoyable and spiritual and bring us closer together?” That family home evening—though it may be modest in scope and execution—may have far more positive long-term results.

Our journey toward perfection is long, but we can find wonder and delight in even the tiniest steps in that journey." 

found here

This article was one that my dear sister (in law) shared with me.  Here are some highlights"

"I don’t even have seasonal throw pillows on my couches or live plants anywhere in the house.

Is it really so hard? Can’t I pull myself together and wrap some candles in green foliage and bring happiness to our decor with bright fabrics and hand-crafted photo frames?

As I was trying to calm my frenzied state of mind, my husband came home and held me tight. We talked about our day, and he told me how much he loves me and that he wants our boys to marry someone like me. I fell asleep snuggled under his arm.

The following morning, our children enthusiastically bounded into our bedroom and tucked themselves into our covers. My four-year-old gave me an arm massage, and we all sat there together–joking, laughing, planning the day ahead, and enjoying that special feeling of family. Reflecting on the discouragement I’d felt the night before, I realized that my family doesn’t care about what I see on Pinterest. They care about me.

There’s something deeper going on in family life than can ever be expressed on a social network. Whatever it is we feel we are lacking, can we collectively decide–as deliberate mothers–that we are not going to sit around feeling discouraged about all the things we’re not?

Can we remind each other that it is our uniqueness and love that our children long for? It is our voices. Our smiles. Our jiggly tummies. Of course we want to learn, improve, exercise, cook better, make our homes lovelier, and provide beautiful experiences for our children, but at the end of the day, our children don’t want a discouraged, stressed-out mom who is wishing she were someone else."

Found here

I have more to share but I think this is quite enough reading.  I would be surprised if anyone actually reads the whole thing.  Sorry!