Its about time

#1> I cannot believe I am about to admit this
#2> I cannot believe I am about to write a blog about this

Dear Followers,
Judge me all you want. Its fine. I feel like this is a big no, HUGE step in my life and I was proud of myself so I wanted to share so you could all be proud of me too. Once upon a time I was in love. Then he broke my heart. Its been a really long time and so I'm sure there are a handful of readers out there rolling there eyes at me. Fine. Do it. I don't care. But tonight I did something huge. For me. I deleted all pictures, threw away all letters and pictures, and deleted all emails. Although I feel good about it my heart hurts a little. I know its time to let go of the past. I thought I had but obviously I hadn't. I'm embarrassed to admit it has taken me this long but I got there little by little. I think I've gotten over a big hill. Finally.

We all know the story of Lot's wife in the book of Genesis. In the days of Sodom and Gomorrah Lot was commanded to flee with his family. As they were leaving Lots wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt. Elder Holland gave a talk on this and said, "Apparently what was wrong with Lot’s wife was that she wasn’t just looking back; in her heart she wanted to go back. It would appear that even before they were past the city limits, she was already missing what Sodom and Gomorrah had offered her.... In short, her attachment to the past outweighed her confidence in the future." I'm afraid and embarrassed to admit that that is what I think I'm guilty of. Elder Holland goes on to say, "I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone, nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from but not lived in.... Faith is always pointed toward the future. So a more theological way to talk about Lot’s wife is to say that she did not have faith. She doubted the Lord’s ability to give her something better than she already had. Apparently she thought—fatally, as it turned out—that nothing that lay ahead could possibly be as good as those moments she was leaving behind." (talk from here)

Now you all think I'm faithless but I promise I'm not. We all have our own struggles right? But I do know that everything happens for a reason. I know that our loving Heavenly Father will never go back on his promises. If we have faith and keep moving forward he will not hold out on his blessings. And I know it all happened for my good; something better is ahead. I really do know that and today I think i finally SHOWED that.

FINALLY!