it will be ok...

I love general conference.  it really helps me put things back in perspective.

its ok that i don't have the most stylish clothes

that i haven't lost my baby weight

its doesn't matter that i would rather eat out every night than cook

that i'm not "super mom" and very far from "the perfect wife"

its ok that i have a pile of clothes on my floor

and a sink full of dirty dishes in the sink

its normal to feel inadequate

and overwhelmed

and lonely

and sad

its only been 6 months but how soon we forget the things that are most important in life.

the gospel,
  relationships,
      my family,
          covenants,
               testimony,
                    conversion,
                         memories

i feel like life has just been in fast forward lately.  i live just to get through each day.  between the baby, my house, school assignments, ESL tutoring for my masters, and work - i feel like if i manage to get a shower and actually do my hair, its an accomplishment.  i feel bad because sometimes it makes me grumpy towards eric or owen.  i need to start re-focusing on whats most important.

i got home from my mission and life was crystal clear.  i had goals.  100% visiting teaching.  an hour of personal study of the scriptures a day, plant a garden, volunteer, be super mom and the perfect wife
life has a way of loosing sight of the most important things.  i'm not saying that getting my masters and working aren't important, i was just reminded that they are not the MOST important things.  it was refreshing and an eye opener.

the news about the changes in missionary age really hit a tender place in my heart.  for many reasons.   
i love missionaries.
 i loved my mission more than i could ever say.  it made me who i am today.  it taught me to work hard, to cherish family relationships, to develop and maintain a relationship with Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father.  it taught me how to pray, how to study, how to repent, how to receive inspiration (i have that to thank for all the decisions we've made - including having a baby so soon after we were married, job choices, our home, etc.) and, mostly, the miraculous power of the Atonement. i would not be where i am today without my mission.  i owe it all to the decision i made to serve as a missionary and would not trade it for anything.

i am ecstatic about the news for girls to go at 19!  i know more sister missionaries will go now and what a blessing that will be.  we had about 10-16 sister missionaries in our mission at a time out of about 180 missionaries.  how freaking rad!  i am so excited for my cousin amy and serve in the philippines.  I'm anxious to see the changes that happen to the church and to missionary work in the next little bit.  (not to mention in my family ;))