Grateful.

Well, I'm not going to lie. I've looked forward for this day for a LONG time! Today I was released from my calling as Primary President in the Lulea Branch.  It just wasn't as joyous as I had pictured it.

Eric and I thought we were in the clear when we moved into our branch because we don't speak Swedish so we won't get callings, right?
When I was called in to my Branch Presidents office and he asked me to be the Primary President, my mouth dropped (literally) and tears just streamed down my cheeks.  How in the world could I run a Primary when I can't even communicate with the children and most of the teachers?  What could I do?  I was already overwhelmed living in  foreign country with a crazy one year old and nearing the end of my master's degree, and now I had this?  I had never felt so overwhelmed, so inadequate, and so under-qualified in my life.  Not even as a missionary (I thought it couldn't get harder than THAT).  The past 9 months I have spent many hours on my knees, in tears, in the scriptures, just wondering how on earth I was supposed to do this calling and what to do.  The best thing I did was call amazing counselors who ended up doing more than their fair share of the work, including translating for my sharing time lessons.

Anyway, when we found out we were moving I kept asking Eric (he's in the Branch Presidency - yes, we jinxed ourselves) when I was going to get released and he kept saying "your last Sunday".  I just felt anxious to get released, like it would be a huge burden off my shoulders.  We know we're moving but we still don't know when.  It could be in another 2 months so I was surprised that today was that day.  I got released and, surprising even myself, I cried.  I was actually sad to be getting released.

I have loved working with the sweet kids of the Lulea Branch and I'll miss it.  But honestly, I'm amazed that I did it.  I'm amazed how the Lord helped me to teach and reach the children even though we don't speak the same language.  I'm amazed that they listened so intently to my lessons even though they were being translated.  Their patience was unreal for such small kids.  And looking back, I've loved it.

I heard today a song that I listened to a lot as a missionary and made me cry today thinking about my calling and then made me think about being a mom.  I think it applies to all.

"Its a simple thing He asks
A worthy heart and willing hands
He says if I make the choice, He'll help me find my voice.
He calls me to serve and I cannot fail Him
The One who has given me all that I have
I place my trust in Him alone
He knows the yearnings of my soul
Because He believes in me, I will go willingly.

How can I keep this gift to myself when I can lift somebody else?
I am a witness of His miracles and His mercy
I put my future in His hands, knowing He's made me all I am
When I put my faith in Him the truth begins to speak
His power is real, it moves me until I will not be still"

Just like an overwhelming calling, being a mother can feel just as terrifying and difficult.  There are days that I feel unqualified and inadequate but a quote from President Monson that my dad sent to me on my mission comes to mind.  He says,“When we are on the Lord’s errand, we are entitled to the Lord’s help. Remember that whom the Lord calls, the Lord qualifies.” 

I know that that is true.  I learned it as a missionary, as a Primary President in a Swedish Branch and I'm relearning it everyday as a mother.