Last Straw

Today.  I have been looking forward to this day for a long time.  Today we had our ultrasound to check baby #2.  We are very grateful that the baby is growing and healthy and everything looks great and normal.  How amazing is that?  I just sat in awe as the nurse showed me the babies bones, heart, toes, fingers, brain.  Its incredible that that perfect little baby inside of me was formed by my body.  How is that even possible?  How do people not believe in God after seeing such an amazing miracle?  It was beautiful and so breathtaking.

So I've been able to experience a little bit of the way the Swedes have their babies.  At 16 weeks I went in to see the midwife.  So, here, when you find out that you're pregnant you call this number Monday - Thursday between 10-10:30.  You leave a message and a midwife will call you back.  The midwife that calls you back is your midwife.  She'll set her own appointment for you.  So I went in to see the midwife.  She tested my blood and urine (she did - by herself) and then got my medical history and that was about it.  She then told me to call the hospital to make an apt for an ultrasound.  They usually do it around 18-19 weeks.  Yesterday I was 19 weeks.  So I went into the hospital for my ultrasound.  They just do a 2d scan instead of a 3d scan like they do in the states so it was harder to see everything than when we had ours with Owen.  And you have to pay for pictures if you want any.  And they're not that great.  I wasn't impressed.  But everything looked great and the baby is healthy.  Which I am extremely grateful for.

Owen came with us to our first apt to see the midwife.  This is what he did. We're such great parents.

HOWEVER, lets be real. The main reason everyone looks forward to this apt is to find out the baby's gender?  RIGHT?!  Yeah, because of the lame nurse or the cheap 2d scanner or something she wasn't able to tell the sex.  She said the umbilical cord was in the way.  Like I said before, I have been looking forward to this day for a LONG TIME.  (If you don't like people that vent on their blogs - stop reading now).
I thought today would be the day we would take a cute gender reveal picture and send it out to family and friends.  I thought today would be the day that I could start shopping and planning the future!

Here's the thing.  Let me vent, aight?
I have been feeling pretty low recently.  Northern Sweden in the winter is a hard place to live.  I haven't seen the sun in WEEKS.  LITERALLY.  Which really can get to you.  I promise.  I cannot tell you how bad I long to feel the warmth of the sun on face.  We're lucky if it gets above freezing here which can be extremely disheartening when I get on instagram and see pictures of my Utah pals outside with tshirts and their kids playing at parks.  I LONG for that.  So does Owen.

Also, Its lonely here.  I don't really have any friends.  I have a couple from church but they have lots of kids and jobs and lives and don't really live close.  I would kill for just ONE of my good friends from back home with me now.  AND its hard because of the time difference.  Right when I wake up everyone back home just went to sleep so its a long and lonely 8 hours until Eric gets home or my friends wake up.

Owen is lonely.  Super lonely.  He'll look out the window and say, "Come back __(Fill in a name)___".  He'll say "Zac" or "Kylie" is cousins or a couple of his friends from church.  He's so social and loves being around kids but we just aren't.  We just can't.  I feel so bad.  It breaks my heart.

This is what we do all day. Everyday.  Sit around in our jammies and take selfies.

There are hardly any places to go to with kids.  I could easily name at least 10 things we could be doing in Utah today or places to go play (with other kids and moms that will actually acknowledge me).  Here, we could go to McDonalds, to play in their joke of a kid's room.  We could go to Leo's Lekland but I would have to chase Owen through tunnels and such which is getting harder by the day.  That place is really fun and Owen loves it a lot but we just play with ourselves.  People in Sweden just keep to themselves so no one talks to us and no kids talk to Owen (probably because he just beats them up).  The swimming pool is closed, of course, until the Spring.  There's another one thats not too far away but its not open during the day because everybody works and kids are at school or daycare.  You guys! This is real life! There is nothing else to do! There is a cool zoo but its three hours away so we haven't made it there yet.  The movie theater doesn't play movies during the day.

The point is, I'm tired of Sweden.  Its been a really cool experience and I'm grateful for the opportunity we've had to be here but I'm about done.  The ultrasound was the last straw.  I'm over this country and ready to go home.

We're just still waiting for the go-ahead from Eric's job to let us go home.  Just praying it comes SOOOOON.

He's going to be a great big brother