Forget Not

I'm not sure if this post is blog appropriate but sometimes I just need to write.  and sometimes I need to be reassured that I'm not alone.  And sometimes I need some advice and help.  Since only my closest friends and family read this blog, it think its appropriate.  (Tell me if its not and I'll delete it.  i fear i am becoming more like my mom in that way everyday).

I've been going through a really hard time lately just feeling bad about myself.  Its been a LONG time since I've felt this way.  Like since those awkward Jr High days.  I've been thinking about it and I coorelate it directly to social media.  Facebook, pinterest, instagram, blogs, etc.  Is it just me?  I constantly am comparing myself to other people that i see or read about. 
they dress their kids cuter - decked out in sperrys and crew cuts. make clothes for themselves and their kids. have time and money for all sorts of diy projects including home and holiday decor. decorate their houses remarkably. have perfect hair, bodies, clothes, children, at all times. their homes are always clean and organized. they are intelligent and extremely witty and funny. they nicest most spiritual people who hold the most noblest of callings in the church.  they go running and stay fit and they're bodies are so toned! they look good in everything.  they never wear sweats, never not shower, and wouldn't even dare going out of the house without make up on. always have extravagant home cooked meals prepared for their families every night of the week with everything made from scratch including all the seasonings. they read all sorts of intelligent and thought provoking books.  they follow all the fashion trends and fads and everyone wants to be them.
 i hate that that is how they make me feel.  i'm not enough.  not cute enough. not skinny enough. not fashionable.  not witty.  not funny.  not clean and organized. not fun.  blah blah blah.  maybe i just need a break from social media for a bit. 

do you ever feel like this?  what do you do when you start to have these feelings?
Maybe its because i'm not studying my scriptures as much as a should be or praying more earnestly to be happy and accept myself.  maybe i'm feeling guilty because i can do all these things but i'm not. 

i'm a mother. a wife.  a friend.  a sister.  a grad student.  a teacher.  and recently got called into the primary presidency.  yea its hard but i can't help but feel like i should be doing more.  but i can't afford the home decor that i want and all the clothes that are on my wish list.  i just don't have time to diy anything!  my hair is in the process of growing back out after it all fell out after i had owen.  that has been fun.  i dont have a gym membership.  i hate running.  i enjoy eating whatever i want (in the present - until i feel guilty afterwards).  i think i have the cutest kid in the world.  my husband is freaking hot and is a big shot at work.  why can't i keep up?  why cant i do and be everything that everyone does and is?  are people really judging me as much as they think they are?  no. i'm breaking a commandment.  i become envious and covet.  i want what they have.  but i feel like that is the reason they post stuff like that is that they want people to become covetous and envious of their perfect lives.  (i know i'm wrong - and i hate that that thought even entered my brain). 

here are some things that have helped me. 

This quote by Elder Uchtdorf from his talk called "Forget Me Not" from the last General Relief Society Broadcast:
"God is fully aware that you're not perfect and also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not.

And yet we spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others—usually comparing our weaknesses to their strengths. This drives us to create expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet. As a result, we never celebrate our good efforts because they seem to be less than what someone else does.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

It’s wonderful that you have strengths.

And it is part of your mortal experience that you do have weaknesses.

God wants to help us to eventually turn all of our weaknesses into strengths, but He knows that this is a long-term goal. He wants us to become perfect, and if we stay on the path of discipleship, one day we will. It’s OK that you’re not quite there yet. Keep working on it, but stop punishing yourself.

Dear sisters, many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others. Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself.

In the meantime, be thankful for all the small successes in your home, your family relationships, your education and livelihood, your Church participation and personal improvement. Like the forget-me-nots, these successes may seem tiny to you and they may go unnoticed by others, but God notices them and they are not small to Him. If you consider success to be only the most perfect rose or dazzling orchid, you may miss some of life’s sweetest experiences.

For example, insisting that you have a picture-perfect family home evening each week—even though doing so makes you and everyone around you miserable—may not be the best choice. Instead, ask yourself, “What could we do as a family that would be enjoyable and spiritual and bring us closer together?” That family home evening—though it may be modest in scope and execution—may have far more positive long-term results.

Our journey toward perfection is long, but we can find wonder and delight in even the tiniest steps in that journey." 

found here

This article was one that my dear sister (in law) shared with me.  Here are some highlights"

"I don’t even have seasonal throw pillows on my couches or live plants anywhere in the house.

Is it really so hard? Can’t I pull myself together and wrap some candles in green foliage and bring happiness to our decor with bright fabrics and hand-crafted photo frames?

As I was trying to calm my frenzied state of mind, my husband came home and held me tight. We talked about our day, and he told me how much he loves me and that he wants our boys to marry someone like me. I fell asleep snuggled under his arm.

The following morning, our children enthusiastically bounded into our bedroom and tucked themselves into our covers. My four-year-old gave me an arm massage, and we all sat there together–joking, laughing, planning the day ahead, and enjoying that special feeling of family. Reflecting on the discouragement I’d felt the night before, I realized that my family doesn’t care about what I see on Pinterest. They care about me.

There’s something deeper going on in family life than can ever be expressed on a social network. Whatever it is we feel we are lacking, can we collectively decide–as deliberate mothers–that we are not going to sit around feeling discouraged about all the things we’re not?

Can we remind each other that it is our uniqueness and love that our children long for? It is our voices. Our smiles. Our jiggly tummies. Of course we want to learn, improve, exercise, cook better, make our homes lovelier, and provide beautiful experiences for our children, but at the end of the day, our children don’t want a discouraged, stressed-out mom who is wishing she were someone else."

Found here

I have more to share but I think this is quite enough reading.  I would be surprised if anyone actually reads the whole thing.  Sorry!